April 2012

Be Nice…To Everyone

April 23, 2012

I’m not kidding.

Be nice. To everyone.

Because you never know when you’re going to have to eat dinner with some chick you hated (loathed, actually) in high school.

Let me explain.

Meet Goins…

Natalie Daily on a cruise with her high school sweetheart

Goins has a first name, but I haven’t used it since I was about 14 years old. I figure there’s no sense in starting now. I don’t even think Bob uses it (we still stumble on Goins paraphernalia from time to time). I would have tried to hide Goins’ face, but he’s the only brown dude I dated for almost a decade. No matter what I “named” him, his caramel-y guns would have given him away. Sorry Goins. Well, I’m only sort of sorry (but you already knew that…purely based on the picture I have chosen of my thin arms and your good looks).

Goins is a pretty solid dude, and he’s sort of the sacred cow of ex-flames, so I’m not ever going to say anything negative about him or our relationship…other than this…

The only unforgiveable thing Goins ever really did was force me to purchase and eat fat free cheese. And, the only reason I forgave him for this was because later that summer (or a summer soon after), he gave himself Salmonella on a grilled chicken and mustard diet. The sucker ate SO MUCH grilled chicken and mustard (with half a yam) that he gave himself (and potentially all of his roommates) Salmonella. The price you pay for beauty, eh Goins?

Note: I know Salmonella is not funny. But Goins survived. So did his roommates. Fat free cheese isn’t funny either. I cried for hours. I don’t think he let me buy avocados or popsicles at the store that night either. What an a$$hole, right? I was totally oppressed.

In any event, over the course of our “career” – Goins and I broke up a handful of times. I’m sure he blames every single one of those times on me (which is cool, they were probably all my fault). During one of those very dramatic breakups, Goins took some @#$%& from another school to a dance.

Enter Amber…

ex-arch nemesis and high school sweetheart at a dance together

I didn’t know anything about Amber, other than her first name was my middle name. And I hated her even more for that (as if she did it on purpose).

The thought of the two of them at a dance together tortured me. The photo evidence sent me over the edge…in the way only a teenage girl could be sent spinning (it’s admittedly terrifying for all parties involved).

Eventually, Goins and I got back together. But I never really let it go. I never forgot about Amber.

Fast forward (about 17 years later).

Guess who is best pals with Amber and her family? Guess who hangs out with them all the time? Guess who loves Amber’s children as if they were her own grandkids? Guess who gets text messages from Amber and can’t stop laughing about them while she is at dinner with me.

MY @#$%ing MOTHER.

Apparently, my mother, Amber’s family and Amber “have been friends for years.”

It didn’t actually dawn on me to start asking questions about this Amber character until I got a message on Facebook from a very old, dear friend that said he thought it was funny that he “saw my mom more than he saw me.”

Before I got my answers, I heard from ANOTHER one of my friends from high school about how much fun she had with my mom at a pole dancing class. I mean, my mom has always had moves on the dance floor. But WTF.

Note: My mother is not a stripper. This was one of those “girls night out” kind of gatherings. At least that’s what I was told. I was assured that nobody “made it rain.”


My mother had totally betrayed me. She was hanging out with THAT girl that wrecked me in the 10th grade.

And, as if the little well endowed weasel (meaning Amber) had not already worked her way into the hearts of enough people I cared about – I found out she married another one of my friends from high school. In fact, Amber married one of the cutest boys from my high school (hi Darren!). I loved to flirt with him (probably when Goins was watching) and then pretend like I wasn’t capable of doing anything like that (adolescence is AWESOME).

Last night – I met Amber in person for the very first time.

And much to my dismay, she was sort of irresistible.

So, here’s a little picture I like to call “full circle”…

Natalie Daily and Amber reunited and reminiscing

Thank you for dinner Amber (and for not poisoning my pork). Thank you for letting me reminisce with your hubby (I really missed hanging on that guy, I have pictures of my own you know, I just don’t go around texting them to other people’s parents, ho). Thank you for introducing my family to the rest of yours. Your children are beyond beautiful (I even like their smart little mouths). Thank you for the photo of you and Goins (it makes me laugh…so…hard). Thank you for the belly laughs and all the Chardonnay. But most of all, thank you for helping me let go of one of my last few grudges. Only like two or three more to go (but I’m not hopeful…this one took nearly 20 years).

All jokes aside, now that I know you, I hope we’re friends forever. We could get into all sorts of trouble…me and you.

And here you go Goins. I’m kind of cruel but I don’t want people to think you always made that stupid face. This is what Goins looked like when he wasn’t showing off (not that I would know anything about showing off).

You’re welcome.

Natalie Daily and the Indecent Proposal dress at Senior Ball


I Am Certain

April 15, 2012

I am certain about a few things at this moment (all subject to change, except for the one about my mom)…

I love my mom. And this woman, this ridiculously beautiful woman, deserves to be loved.

I can only write when I’m ready to write. I love having something to say, and feel so bleak when there are no words. But I don’t always feel like I’m in the driver’s seat. My fingers do the talking/typing. Or they don’t. Regardless of whether or not anyone else missed my writing, I’ve missed my writing. It is one of the only ways I get what is IN my head…OUT. And, BELIEVE ME, keeping my own thoughts inside my own dome for too long is terrifying. It’s beyond terrifying. It’s paralyzing.

I wish I never stopped taking piano lessons. I can still read music. I should find another piano teacher.

It is possible for your greatest strength to be your most fatal flaw. I am painfully, heartbreakingly, self-aware. At times, I am indescribably grateful. For the same reason, I have also been humbled to my knees.

I am married to an incredible man. Most women spend their whole lives looking for a partner like this. And sadly, most women never find it. But I did. I have been lucky enough, in my lifetime, to be loved by one of the most selfless men you will ever meet. I don’t deserve this. And I wish I could give back even half of what I am being given.

Few things inspire me as much as music. I’m so thankful for my headphones (at 4 a.m.). And, I really should find another piano teacher.

There may come a day when you can’t pick up your own pieces. When that day comes, you’ll only be as strong as your best friends. So…choose wisely. One poisonous card will bring down the whole house. Which is fine, if you’ve otherwise built a solid deck.

Your real friends won’t make you ask for help. And they certainly won’t make you beg. They’ll just know. They’ll wipe as many tears as they can catch and they’ll check in as often as they can, even if you never reach out to them, even if they don’t know or you never remind them just how much it hurts. Despite their own priorities and circumstances, your real friends will fight for you even when you stop fighting for yourself. Your real friends will never give up on you. Your real friends love you way too much. In your darkest hour, your real friends will love you even more than you love yourself. Some of your real friends might even disappear (guilty as charged)…but they will always come around (if they’re real). There’s a good chance you’ll never be able to thank your real friends for how much they love you. There’s a good chance they’ll never know just how much you feel like your survival depends on them. How do you ever repay a person for a thing like that? Your real friends don’t care. Just be there for them…the way they are there for you…should they ever need you…for anything at all.

That being said, I don’t know if any of my friends will ever know how much they really mean to me.

I love wine. I’ll never give it up. Don’t ever ask me to give it up. Ever. I’ll cut a @#$%&.

I’m currently a flight risk (unless you’re a client, I’m totally professional and totally here for you…think of this as a hilarious alter ego…are you laughing?). In any event, you’ve been warned. All of you.

I’ve lost 40 lbs. If I lose 30 more by Sept. 14 (my birthday), I’m going to Rehab (I already have a personal trainer and partner in crime lined up). Not a peaceful facility. The pool party in Vegas. And I’m going in the red swimsuit I previously blogged about. Somebody sew it for me. Please. But I need a two-piece. Because I plan to have abs, a lot of liquid courage and a mother@#$%ing spray tan. Maybe I’ll even take my mom (I think she qualifies for a Senior discount). We’re not getting any younger (obviously). Go us.

Never take the sound of your own laughter for granted. You’ll more than miss it when it’s gone. And, I LOVE the sound of laughter.

It concerns me that I recently identified with quotes from the movie Sucker Punch (Google it). On the off chance that I’m not insane, I have included my favorite two quotes below…

“For those who fight for it, life has a flavor the sheltered will never know.” – Wiseman

“If you do not dance you have no purpose. And we don’t keep things here that have no purpose. You see, your fight for survival starts right now. You don’t want to be judged? You won’t be. You don’t think you’re strong enough? You are. You’re afraid. Don’t be. YOU HAVE ALL THE WEAPONS YOU NEED. NOW FIGHT.” – Dr. Vera Gorski

It is now 5:05 a.m. That blows.