I’m slammed, at work (love you Trev).

I haven’t had made time to polish my longer posts.

In the meantime, I would like to share a few “daily” thoughts…

I can be a real a$$hole, but I still don’t think I’m as big of an a$$hole as other a$$holes. Those a$$holes…can kick rocks. They can kick big ole’ “I’m An A$$hole” boulders.

Grocery shopping is one of my all-time favorite things to do. Strange, since I don’t prepare meals for myself. Tulips and wine count as groceries, right?

I ordered 7 bikinis online. I thought it would inspire me to cut back on tater tots and get back to the gym with Maren.

It’s too bad Victoria’s Secret doesn’t also sell dragons online. I would have ordered 7 of those as well.

Marcona almonds and Manchego cheese make me happy. It’s what I eat for breakfast when I’m out of mac & cheese.

It would be impossible to make up the @#$% that has happened/I’ve made happen/been happening to me. Please buy the book. Not the paperback. Pre-order that jazz.

I’ve decided to forgive myself for being crazy. And I’d like to thank Angelina Jolie for making this magnitude of forgiveness possible. Without her words of wisdom (below), I might have spent one more day feeling bad about wearing my ginormous heart on my sleeve, instead of appreciating my big, bright, emotional eyes…

“If being sane is thinking there’s something wrong with being different….I’d rather be completely fucking mental.” – Angelina Jolie

Oh, and, everything tastes better in a fruit cup.

 That is all for now.

One of the most intelligent women in my life (that’s you Maid Marian), looked me square in the eyes, and said:

“You aren’t learning a lesson here. You are getting beat over the head with it.”

She was right.

And my head @#$%ing hurt.

Basically, I’ve been so focused on my fears…and so obsessed with my fear…I’ve managed to attract the things I fear most.

I have literally drawn these things (and people) to me. Like a magnet.

Before I attempt to replace the fear. And focus on what I really want (rather than what I don’t want or cannot control). Before I can comfortably let go of this heavy cargo. I have to share one last terrifying thought.

I’m afraid I make faces ridiculous enough to go on greeting cards. Either that, or I had a daughter. And I didn’t know I was pregnant or gave birth.

Please see example included below.

Now, I’m letting go…

Couple things…

1. I hope you read about Aiden. If you didn’t, please read his story (just click on his name) before you read the rest of this.

2. A few seconds ago, I wanted to be a mother. For a hot minute, I wanted to know what it would feel like to love an amazing little person the way Aiden’s parents must love him. If that kid can bring me to my knees…I mean…literally take my breath away…I can’t even begin to imagine what it feels like to be his mother, or his father. There must be nothing like it in this whole world. That being said, this feeling has only come over me twice. I’ll never tell you about the first time. And it comes and goes pretty quickly. No need for excitement or concern. I’ve already come (back) to my childless senses.

3. I’ve decided I’m going to try my best to stop glaring at children that suddenly/publicly burst into tears. It’s not easy to leave me speechless. But I was muted several times over the last few days (ok, the last few weeks-ish). I was simply left…without words. And when I couldn’t, or didn’t, use my words…there were waterworks. Now I understand why toddlers do it. I totally understand where they’re coming from. It’s a form of expression. We’ve got to get it out one way or another. Sometimes, our (meaning the infants and I) only choice is to implode. Example: I lost my lid when I watched the video below.

4. Aiden’s photo and story didn’t really do his “brave heart” justice.

5. Watch this…