Be Nice…To Everyone

April 23, 2012

I’m not kidding.

Be nice. To everyone.

Because you never know when you’re going to have to eat dinner with some chick you hated (loathed, actually) in high school.

Let me explain.

Meet Goins…

Natalie Daily on a cruise with her high school sweetheart

Goins has a first name, but I haven’t used it since I was about 14 years old. I figure there’s no sense in starting now. I don’t even think Bob uses it (we still stumble on Goins paraphernalia from time to time). I would have tried to hide Goins’ face, but he’s the only brown dude I dated for almost a decade. No matter what I “named” him, his caramel-y guns would have given him away. Sorry Goins. Well, I’m only sort of sorry (but you already knew that…purely based on the picture I have chosen of my thin arms and your good looks).

Goins is a pretty solid dude, and he’s sort of the sacred cow of ex-flames, so I’m not ever going to say anything negative about him or our relationship…other than this…

The only unforgiveable thing Goins ever really did was force me to purchase and eat fat free cheese. And, the only reason I forgave him for this was because later that summer (or a summer soon after), he gave himself Salmonella on a grilled chicken and mustard diet. The sucker ate SO MUCH grilled chicken and mustard (with half a yam) that he gave himself (and potentially all of his roommates) Salmonella. The price you pay for beauty, eh Goins?

Note: I know Salmonella is not funny. But Goins survived. So did his roommates. Fat free cheese isn’t funny either. I cried for hours. I don’t think he let me buy avocados or popsicles at the store that night either. What an a$$hole, right? I was totally oppressed.

In any event, over the course of our “career” – Goins and I broke up a handful of times. I’m sure he blames every single one of those times on me (which is cool, they were probably all my fault). During one of those very dramatic breakups, Goins took some @#$%& from another school to a dance.

Enter Amber…

ex-arch nemesis and high school sweetheart at a dance together

I didn’t know anything about Amber, other than her first name was my middle name. And I hated her even more for that (as if she did it on purpose).

The thought of the two of them at a dance together tortured me. The photo evidence sent me over the edge…in the way only a teenage girl could be sent spinning (it’s admittedly terrifying for all parties involved).

Eventually, Goins and I got back together. But I never really let it go. I never forgot about Amber.

Fast forward (about 17 years later).

Guess who is best pals with Amber and her family? Guess who hangs out with them all the time? Guess who loves Amber’s children as if they were her own grandkids? Guess who gets text messages from Amber and can’t stop laughing about them while she is at dinner with me.

MY @#$%ing MOTHER.

Apparently, my mother, Amber’s family and Amber “have been friends for years.”

It didn’t actually dawn on me to start asking questions about this Amber character until I got a message on Facebook from a very old, dear friend that said he thought it was funny that he “saw my mom more than he saw me.”

Before I got my answers, I heard from ANOTHER one of my friends from high school about how much fun she had with my mom at a pole dancing class. I mean, my mom has always had moves on the dance floor. But WTF.

Note: My mother is not a stripper. This was one of those “girls night out” kind of gatherings. At least that’s what I was told. I was assured that nobody “made it rain.”

THEN IT HIT ME.

My mother had totally betrayed me. She was hanging out with THAT girl that wrecked me in the 10th grade.

And, as if the little well endowed weasel (meaning Amber) had not already worked her way into the hearts of enough people I cared about – I found out she married another one of my friends from high school. In fact, Amber married one of the cutest boys from my high school (hi Darren!). I loved to flirt with him (probably when Goins was watching) and then pretend like I wasn’t capable of doing anything like that (adolescence is AWESOME).

Last night – I met Amber in person for the very first time.

And much to my dismay, she was sort of irresistible.

So, here’s a little picture I like to call “full circle”…

Natalie Daily and Amber reunited and reminiscing

Thank you for dinner Amber (and for not poisoning my pork). Thank you for letting me reminisce with your hubby (I really missed hanging on that guy, I have pictures of my own you know, I just don’t go around texting them to other people’s parents, ho). Thank you for introducing my family to the rest of yours. Your children are beyond beautiful (I even like their smart little mouths). Thank you for the photo of you and Goins (it makes me laugh…so…hard). Thank you for the belly laughs and all the Chardonnay. But most of all, thank you for helping me let go of one of my last few grudges. Only like two or three more to go (but I’m not hopeful…this one took nearly 20 years).

All jokes aside, now that I know you, I hope we’re friends forever. We could get into all sorts of trouble…me and you.

And here you go Goins. I’m kind of cruel but I don’t want people to think you always made that stupid face. This is what Goins looked like when he wasn’t showing off (not that I would know anything about showing off).

You’re welcome.

Natalie Daily and the Indecent Proposal dress at Senior Ball

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Amber Lavaud April 23, 2012 at 8:23 pm

I dont remember signing a disclaimer about being posted in “mom jeans”! LMAO…and for the record everybody.. Goins and I were JUST FRIENDS! Love you Nat xoxo cant wait to get in lots of trouble together 😉

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Adam April 24, 2012 at 8:48 am

Too many comments to post them all. Glad to see you two get together!
Sweet pants Amber!! Let’s just be sure Natalie doesn’t dig up any more old photos.

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Fearless Fibro Warrior April 24, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I was going to say she looks like a cheap whore that gets a special rate when she removes her dentures, but then I realized she *might* read your blog. And *Might* even comment. So instead, I will say:

Wow, good for you for overcoming a 20 year grudge! If I had to do that, I would have to quit my job. (Who am I kidding, no one would notice if I DID quit)

I am slowly learning to not flip people off close to my house or work. The hard way, of course.

BTW, found you through Jadie-I’m glad she sent me your way. (Now you know who to blame)

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Emily April 25, 2012 at 12:10 pm

This is a hilarious post! I am jealous that Mom-Jeans-Amber get to be your friend! Congrats on dissipating a 20 year grudge!

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Marianne June 15, 2012 at 7:21 am

Okay, so dont know where ive been lately…but I just discovered all of this and you have made me laugh more in the last 20 minutes than I have all week…its been a week by the way! Thanks Nat…I will be coming back for more!!!

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Natalie July 2, 2012 at 11:28 pm

OH MARIANNE…your comments reminded me of so many good times. I could actually hear your voice as I was reading most of them. Thank you so much for reading my rants. I know we weren’t actually having a conversation, but I sort of felt like we were. We need to throw a giant “I haven’t seen you in a long time, I’ve had some babies you’ve never met, I have know idea what you’ve done with your life, but it’s ok, I’d really like to catch up regardless party.” Seriously. I miss your face.

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Marianne July 3, 2012 at 7:20 am

YES WE DO!! I would love it! I love your blogs..they crack me up!

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