Let me preface this post by saying, I am NOT knocking Brandi Glanville’s (entire) body. If I looked that good in a bikini, I’d be wearing dental floss…all the time…everywhere.
I simply want to have a conversation about this Beverly Hills Housewife’s lack – of labia.
I wish I was kidding. But I’m not. I can’t stop thinking about her crotch. Ask Bob. I’ve been talking about it for weeks. He’s been forced (not asked – forced) to participate. At least Bob is being asked (by his own wife) to carefully inspect another woman – below the waist. I know you’re all thinking it…I am so selfless.
Here’s the deal…
I want to know what happened to Brandi’s lips. And I’m not talking about her face. Compared to some of her pals, those lips still look fine to me. I want to know what happened to her labia. Where did her labia go? There is no way labia could fit inside her bikini bottoms. There is just no way. Ask any woman with labia. We need more than a centimeter of fabric.
Did her labia dissolve? How many ice chips did that take? How little do you have to weigh? I mean – I’ve lost inches off my waist and seen my cheeks get smaller over time – but I have never LOST MY LABIA. I would bet my right arm that most of my friends, even the thinnest ones (yes, even you Skinny Tara) – have labia. How did Brandi Glanville do it? And do they make special bikinis for women with such amazing features? They must. Because my average-sized bathing suits would swallow her non-existent labia up whole. Let’s be totally honest…they’d swallow up her hips, abs and no-cellulite-having-ass too. (Insert a twinge of jealousy here.)
At the end of the day, I don’t mind having labia. It must serve a purpose. That being said, I’m still considering an extreme diet plan to ditch mine. I could save some serious money on fabric. I could potentially date Eddie Cibrian (Leanne Rimes isn’t packing much in the labia department either). Or…I could just totally consume the warped mind of a woman such as myself – who thought things like stretch marks and curves and labia WEREN’T optional.
For those of you who think I’m completely insane (which is not far from the truth) or have no idea who/what I’m talking about – because you know better than to poison your minds with such pointless pop culture/programming…I have included a photo of said invisible labia.