What About Bob?

June 29, 2012

I feel like I should answer a few questions about Bob.

I get asked about him, a lot.

Here are a few answers…

Yes. He is a real person. I did not make him up.

If Bob were imaginary, I would have named him something other than Bob. Like Channing Tatum.

Yes. Bob reads my blog. He reads most of my posts before they go live. Not all, but most. I like his feedback and I take his opinion seriously. Bob can be kind of a tough crowd. If he laughs or likes what I have to say, I know the post is good to go. If not, I edit or rewrite.

With re: to my subject matter…Bob is well aware of my light AND dark side(s). And, Bob is a grown a$$ man. If he couldn’t handle my bangs, my sense of humor (or lack thereof, depending on the circumstances) and/or the blog – he wouldn’t be with me – and I wouldn’t be with him. That doesn’t mean I don’t test Bob’s limits (he recently told me that I do). That doesn’t mean I am easy to love. I am not. But grown a$$ man Bob is one of my biggest fans. Because he chooses to be. At some point, he could choose not to be. I am fully aware of that.

Bob’s last name is Daly (like the golfer). Mine is not. It is Paulsen. And it always will be.

I added Daly to my full name when we went to the County Clerk’s office to get our marriage license. Then I never legally added/changed it, because I never really wanted to change my name. I thought I could do it. But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t do it. It has nothing to do with Bob. It has everything to do with me. I just can’t and won’t let go of Paulsen. It’s part of me. It’s who I am. It’s who I want to be. I don’t want to be Mrs. Anybody Else. And I honestly don’t care if anyone understands or appreciates that about me. I know how it sounds. I cringed when I wrote it. But it’s true. Bob and I have talked about it. I can’t help the way I feel about holding on to my last name. Somewhere in my brain, holding onto Paulsen translates to holding on to the legacy of my father and my fierce desire for independence. And I’m lucky enough to be married to a man who has been understanding about all of that. I like to pretend it’s a compromise that I use “Natalie Daily” – relative to my Twitter profile and blog. I’m not sure Bob sees it that way but it has given us some good material to use around the house. It has even given our friends some material to use when they’re in the mood to take low blows. I heart good material.

Yes. I know Bob is a nicer person than me. Everybody knows. We don’t need to elaborate on this topic.

Yes. We are both only children. It’s not as obvious when you meet Bob (it’s pretty obvious I did not grow up sharing anything, with anyone). For the most part, Bob cares more about other people than he does himself. That being said, he is particularly good at the quiet/silent game and extremely aggressive on the road. Please, for your safety, don’t cross him on the freeway. His silent treatment is nothing compared to his road rage.

Yes. I could/should write nicer things about Bob. I just don’t feel like it. It’s not the kind of writer I am right now. It’s not where I am in my life. Why write about love, and marriage, and ponies, and rainbows and babies when you can write about blunt bangs? Or your dark, darker and darkest days? Or your favorite actors channeling male strippers? And pick on Bob. Way more fun. Way better fodder.

One day I’ll write something sweet about Bob. Today’s not that day. Sorry Bob.

Yes. I know how to cook. I’m actually a really good cook. I’m creative in the kitchen. Even my presentation is on par. But no, I do not cook for Bob. He cooks. He also does laundry and cleans. He’s naturally thin and domesticated. Need I say much more about Bob?

This is what Bob sounds like on a “daily” basis (this is a real conversation):

Me: I don’t feel like talking (to anyone) today.

Bob: That tells me you must have things you need to talk about.

Me: You can suck it Daly.

Bob: Magic Mike can suck it.

Me: We talked about this. You probably shouldn’t say things like that about Magic Mike.

Bob: You’d probably let him.

Me: I would. And I wouldn’t even feel bad.

Bob: I’m sure you wouldn’t.

Me: Nope. Not even a little bit.

Bob: Magic Mike is a douchebag.

Me: What are you talking about? No he’s not. You don’t even know him.

Bob: He’s a douchebag.

Me: Stop saying that. He’s not a douchebag.

Bob: Why are you getting so defensive Paulsen? Are you going to marry him?

Me: Probably. As soon as I get rid of you and he gets rid of that dancer chick from the Step Up movie.

Yes. Bob is a saint.

For those of you that doubted the power of Magic Mike…I’m almost positive that movie is the only reason this post was possible. I haven’t been able to write for a few days now. Then I spent two hours with those impossible muscles Matthew McConaughey has right at his waistline…and this came pouring out. I know my writing was inspired by the film and the fact that I just found out Channing Tatum was in a Ricky Martin music video.

Yeah, you guessed it.

He bangs.

How did I not know this? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Of all the songs. (S)HE BANGS.

Back to Bob for a second…

Bob – Dallas and Magic Mike would like to wish you a Happy Almost 4th of July.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Paul and Darrah June 29, 2012 at 5:11 pm

How ’bout Bob Paulsen?

Xox

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Natalie July 2, 2012 at 11:18 pm

His name was Robert Paulsen…his name was Robert Paulsen…his name was Robert Paulsen…(imagine this being said in my very best Fight Club sort of voice)…

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Danielle July 1, 2012 at 9:33 am

Grown a#% men are the best! That’s why I chose my better half! They DO put up with everything and he lets me get away with anything (within reason of course).
We too, have been having the Magic Mike conversation in our household this past week….It’s quite funny! Between 50 Shades and Magic Mike, I can say that my husband is having a very good summer!;)
Thank you Magic Mike ……from Andrew!
Great blog Natalie!
D

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Natalie July 2, 2012 at 11:17 pm

I know this has nothing to do with your comment – but I feel like I really need to get my hands on some of your cupcakes. Can I place an order? Your comments/friendship makes me happy. I imagine your cupcakes will do the same. XOXO.

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Marianne July 3, 2012 at 7:24 am

OH MY GOD…I could stare at that picture all day. In fact…im replacing my desktop background (my two beautiful boys) with those two beautiful boys so I can stare at it all day…yummy..ill take one of each seperately and then maybe together…then maybe make another go round…And yes BOB..Magic Mike can suck it…he can suck whatever he wants!!! LOL!!!

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