Could I Have Another Helping of Crow?

June 2, 2012

I should not have poked fun at Betty Draper.

I’m so bitter right now. So bitter. Like Betty.

I should have cut her some slack.

But I mocked her for eating her emotions, WHICH IS ABSURD, because I feel like I’m going to crawl out of my skin. I’m not even starving. I thought I would be. But I’m not. I’m actually not even that hungry. And I don’t really mind brown rice (once drowned in Sriracha). But I’m so uncomfortable. That’s the only word that accurately describes the way I feel about trying to live without comfort food and adult beverages. It’s uncomfortable. When you don’t eat and/or drink yourself numb…YOU FEEL EVERYTHING. You feel every single emotion you have ever buried with baked brie or repressed with your favorite red wine. It’s so uncomfortable that it makes me legitimately angry. At everyone and everything. It makes me so angry that I keep falling off the wagon. Which makes me even angrier. I could seriously hurt someone or wreck a really big bowl of macaroni and cheese today (the fake, squeeze cheese kind – just to be clear).

I don’t expect everybody to identify with this kind of hostility. I’m sure there are people who don’t emotionally abuse food and booze. But I do. Why can’t I emotionally abuse a treadmill? Why haven’t I ever become addicted to exercise? I’m sort of bitter about that too.

I don’t really know what to do about the frustration I’m feeling – other than stare at the hottest gold buns in Sacramento and hope they motivate me to get off of mine in time for Rehab (which might end up looking more like a hospital than a Las Vegas pool party at this rate).

Maybe I should cut and paste my head on Neda’s body for extra inspiration.

Neda Iranpour posing in gold shorts before competition

P.S. Don’t give up on me yet Neda. I’m not quitting. I’m just REALLY cranky today. Obviously.

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Amy June 2, 2012 at 3:30 pm

I HEAR YOU. It sucks. I’m not eating sugar or dairy OR DRINKING ALCOHOL, and I’m also going to yoga all the damn time (at Zuda…wanna join me?) and it’s great except I HAVE TO MANY EFFING FEELINGS. And no chocolate or delicious food binges to numb it.

I really do think it gets easier though. No promises on the exercise addiction, though.

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Natalie June 4, 2012 at 10:01 am

Hey you…two things…I think it’s funny that we both blogged about eating crow while dieting AND I cannot get over your Instagram pic. You look amazing. Your hard work is paying off. You should be so proud of yourself. I hope you feel like a million bucks today (ever day actually) because you deserve it. It’s obvious you’re working your a$$ off (only a little pun intended).

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Tina June 2, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Hey Nat, what are you trying? Can I jump in on it? I’m going down with the titanic but maybe I’d survive if I just had a friend to swim to shore with. Call me, text me, send me smoke signals…whatever. Miss you.

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Peggy June 3, 2012 at 10:45 am

I always want to be a voice of reason for you…something to the effect of, we all KNOW that we aren’t all built like this incredible body referenced above. We all KNOW that even without adult beverages and everyday workouts some of us just won’t look like her…EVER. We all KNOW this, but we berate ourselves anyway. We all KNOW that we shouldn’t, but we do. That said, I won’t be the voice of reason today. I say if you’re pissed off and grouchy, OWN IT! Don’t try to be someone you’re not, JUST BE YOU! I love you evenwhen you’re a bitch – and I say that witho love in my heart.

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Natalie June 4, 2012 at 9:55 am

Wait. Peggy. You think I can be a bitch? This is totally news to me.

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Neda June 3, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Hi, it’s gold buns here. I just want to say I’VE FREAKIN’ BEEN THERE TOO!! In my blog i refer to it as “Mind vs. Cake (cake won)” gold buns never came easy, nothing ever is. but the process of learning discipline and restraint really, truly will help you become the BEST version of you so you can enjoy your life for so much more than alcohol and brie!! there is more to happiness than that squishy, warm, goodness of mac and cheese BUT you have to get through some struggles to find it. It does get easier the more you do it. Pretty soon the thought of brie will give you a tummy ache and missing a workout will piss you off. I never thought I’d be that crazy chic who loves the gym more than happy hr, but my gym time is now officially my happy hour, made even better when you join me!! #goldbuns , not silver YOU CAN DO IT!! neda

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Natalie June 4, 2012 at 9:55 am

Oh Neda. Just in case…I found a really hot picture of Rihanna in some really hot silver shorts. Hee Hee.

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