Hope Floats

December 12, 2012

I can’t remember the last time I slept more than two or three hours at a time.

I just toss. And turn. And my stomach burns (I think that’s partly because of all the Taco Bell).

Lucky for me, I have friends that wake up early (Maren sends me potty and/or shower pics EVERY morning) and friends that stay up very late. There’s almost always someone on the other line. That being said, insomnia is still frustrating, exhausting (obviously) and at times, very lonely.

I’m a little sad to admit, I recently reached a new personal record. I’ve been “trying” to sleep for six days now. I typically crash after day three or four. Not this time.

I have tried EVERYTHING. Even exercise (a seriously extreme measure for me).

Alas, the ceiling (sometimes the walls), my dark circles, Netflix – and I – are currently attached at the hip.

Tonight, in my sleepless stupor, I was searching for blog inspiration. I’ve been looking back at blog posts I buried. I’ve been going through all the photos on my phone. Finally, I started making lists of pros, cons, plans and goals – basically ways to “make a bed” I could AND would sleep in.

Then I got distracted. Shocking, I know.

I found a video on my iPhone that reminded me…

1. How much I love Adele. Not just love her. Really love her. Like, I’d eat her with my Taco Bell.

2. How much I love Skinny Tara. And how much I miss her. I’m grateful I got to share this particular moment (in the video) with her.

3. I’m also grateful that one of my friends cared about me enough to put me in the fifth row, under the stars, by the ocean, to see Adele perform live.

4. Relationships aren’t easy. Some are easier than others, but no relationship is perfect. And no relationship is easy. They all require work. Hard work. You can’t fake or work hard on chemistry. You naturally have to have chemistry. But you have to work hard on everything else. If you only want to be in a relationship that’s easy or you’re not willing to work hard, you leave yourself (and the people who care about you) no choice. You’re going to fail.

5. I’m a fighter. In fact, I’ve got a whole lotta fight left in me. I’ve just been fighting for all the wrong things. I wonder what will happen when I repurpose all that energy. Expect to be knocked out.

6. Few things feel as good as loving and being loved the way Adele sings about affection. This lullaby might actually put me to sleep. It actually made me want to close my eyes, and dream. So, right now, at 3:33 a.m. on 12/12/12, that’s what I’m going to do.

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