I Am Certain

April 15, 2012

I am certain about a few things at this moment (all subject to change, except for the one about my mom)…

I love my mom. And this woman, this ridiculously beautiful woman, deserves to be loved.

I can only write when I’m ready to write. I love having something to say, and feel so bleak when there are no words. But I don’t always feel like I’m in the driver’s seat. My fingers do the talking/typing. Or they don’t. Regardless of whether or not anyone else missed my writing, I’ve missed my writing. It is one of the only ways I get what is IN my head…OUT. And, BELIEVE ME, keeping my own thoughts inside my own dome for too long is terrifying. It’s beyond terrifying. It’s paralyzing.

I wish I never stopped taking piano lessons. I can still read music. I should find another piano teacher.

It is possible for your greatest strength to be your most fatal flaw. I am painfully, heartbreakingly, self-aware. At times, I am indescribably grateful. For the same reason, I have also been humbled to my knees.

I am married to an incredible man. Most women spend their whole lives looking for a partner like this. And sadly, most women never find it. But I did. I have been lucky enough, in my lifetime, to be loved by one of the most selfless men you will ever meet. I don’t deserve this. And I wish I could give back even half of what I am being given.

Few things inspire me as much as music. I’m so thankful for my headphones (at 4 a.m.). And, I really should find another piano teacher.

There may come a day when you can’t pick up your own pieces. When that day comes, you’ll only be as strong as your best friends. So…choose wisely. One poisonous card will bring down the whole house. Which is fine, if you’ve otherwise built a solid deck.

Your real friends won’t make you ask for help. And they certainly won’t make you beg. They’ll just know. They’ll wipe as many tears as they can catch and they’ll check in as often as they can, even if you never reach out to them, even if they don’t know or you never remind them just how much it hurts. Despite their own priorities and circumstances, your real friends will fight for you even when you stop fighting for yourself. Your real friends will never give up on you. Your real friends love you way too much. In your darkest hour, your real friends will love you even more than you love yourself. Some of your real friends might even disappear (guilty as charged)…but they will always come around (if they’re real). There’s a good chance you’ll never be able to thank your real friends for how much they love you. There’s a good chance they’ll never know just how much you feel like your survival depends on them. How do you ever repay a person for a thing like that? Your real friends don’t care. Just be there for them…the way they are there for you…should they ever need you…for anything at all.

That being said, I don’t know if any of my friends will ever know how much they really mean to me.

I love wine. I’ll never give it up. Don’t ever ask me to give it up. Ever. I’ll cut a @#$%&.

I’m currently a flight risk (unless you’re a client, I’m totally professional and totally here for you…think of this as a hilarious alter ego…are you laughing?). In any event, you’ve been warned. All of you.

I’ve lost 40 lbs. If I lose 30 more by Sept. 14 (my birthday), I’m going to Rehab (I already have a personal trainer and partner in crime lined up). Not a peaceful facility. The pool party in Vegas. And I’m going in the red swimsuit I previously blogged about. Somebody sew it for me. Please. But I need a two-piece. Because I plan to have abs, a lot of liquid courage and a mother@#$%ing spray tan. Maybe I’ll even take my mom (I think she qualifies for a Senior discount). We’re not getting any younger (obviously). Go us.

Never take the sound of your own laughter for granted. You’ll more than miss it when it’s gone. And, I LOVE the sound of laughter.

It concerns me that I recently identified with quotes from the movie Sucker Punch (Google it). On the off chance that I’m not insane, I have included my favorite two quotes below…

“For those who fight for it, life has a flavor the sheltered will never know.” – Wiseman

“If you do not dance you have no purpose. And we don’t keep things here that have no purpose. You see, your fight for survival starts right now. You don’t want to be judged? You won’t be. You don’t think you’re strong enough? You are. You’re afraid. Don’t be. YOU HAVE ALL THE WEAPONS YOU NEED. NOW FIGHT.” – Dr. Vera Gorski

It is now 5:05 a.m. That blows.

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

CJ April 15, 2012 at 5:54 am

truth.

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Amy April 15, 2012 at 7:35 am

I love this post. So much. And those last two quotes are amazing.

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Christine April 15, 2012 at 7:47 am

I’m looking forward to discussing your flight risk status with you ASAP.

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Lesley April 15, 2012 at 8:36 am

I was kinda hoping for a Carrie Underwood shout-out. Whatever. 😉

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Jennifer April 16, 2012 at 8:26 am

Doesn’t count as a flight risk if I pick you up at the airport. 🙂 I missed your words. And Sucker Punch is on OnDemand. Coincidence? Love you.

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Delores Paulsen April 16, 2012 at 8:53 am

I’m in for the Senior Citizen Rehab discount so sign me up as this body could certainly use a Tune Up! Piano Lessons/singing tunes, u go Girl can hardly wait!
Laughter: I love when you and I laugh like there’s no tomorrow over the dumbest things. I miss it when we don’t laugh.
I am Loved by the most amazing Daughter in the world. Love You..Stars n Moons

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Gina April 16, 2012 at 9:47 am

Maybe we should do a “mother/daughter” trip??!! We could probably get a buy one get one free SC discount! ;)- I only say that as both of our mom’s don’t look like they would be even close to qualifying!!! Love you ladies and CONGRATS Nat on toning your bod, but there is NO WAY girl that you 30 more pounds to loose!!!! Red swimsuits NEED a few curves here & there!!! Admire your determination! And YES, you can stay healthy and NOT have to give up the wine!!! xo

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Ashley April 16, 2012 at 8:53 am

love this

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Erin April 16, 2012 at 9:14 am

nice to hear (read) you again… and so nice to see you yesterday, we should probably start doing that more…for so many reasons 😉

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Dana April 16, 2012 at 10:45 am

Wish I could go to Rehab with you! This was my favorite post of yours so far…for lots of reasons.

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Sarah Rocklin (Booth) April 16, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Truly enjoyed all of the morsels of raw realness!
Rehab is a blast! I have been several times… And here is YOUR swimsuit…..
http://www.barneys.com/Two-Piece-Polka-Dot-Sailor-Swimsuit/00505014983658,default,pd.html
I can’t wait to see pics of you killin it! Sexy with some classic flair, just like you!!
Side Note:
Me saying that might seem strange, it has been over 21 years since we’ve actually seen one another live and in person…. When we were little girls I knew you were going to grow up to be beautiful with big profound words to say! How did I know this, because you intimidated the shit out of me (hard to do) and you were always so well put together with your style and your perfect bangs!! Hehe!

I attached the link above of just the suit, some of the other pics had absurdly skinny bitches in them and it just ruined the style of the suit. Curves in all the right places make the world go round!!! 😉

Workout Tidbit:
For an overall body abuse workout try “turkish get ups” with kettlebell http://youtu.be/B4Q9mxjhMy8
OMFG!!! I used these for the month of February to get into that last bit of March Miami South Beach shape and oh yes they work! Everything from your ankle to under your earlobe in one workout set. AWESOME!! You can also call me for last minute detailed Endermologie body sculpting to get out the last lumps and bumps, grrrrrrrrr!! It is one of the treatments I offer. Shameless self plug…. http://www.sarahrocklintherapies.com

GET IT GIRL!!!!

excuse my long winded blabbing here…….

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Candi April 16, 2012 at 2:41 pm

How is it possible you manage to make a girl who has the most difficult time crying, cry? Love that last quote by the way. PS My mama and I want to go to REHAB too!

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Patti Geraghty-Waltman April 16, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Sounds like you’ve got your mojo back (not that it was gone… :-)! 40 lbs… You’re going to be rockin’ that red swimsuit in rehab! Agree, don’t be messing with the vino! Hope to see you soon!

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Tina April 16, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Life would be so empty without solid friendships to carry you through. Friends and family are the most valuable thing a girl can have! Thanks for this post…I love it.

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Natalie April 23, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I had not written anything in so long that I sort of exhausted myself purging (if you will). I totally walked away from this post. And when I came back to it today…my eyes watered reading through all of your comments. THANK YOU for reading the @#$% that I write. I don’t know if any of you (whether we are close, have never met or haven’t seen each other in 21 years) will really ever know how happy this blog has made me over the last few months. Your emails and encouragement mean more to me than you will ever know. I promise I won’t forget about you in…err…at Rehab.

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