Intervention

December 4, 2012

My behavior has affected me negatively in the following ways…

I cannot sleep when I am supposed to sleep. I can only sleep when everyone else is awake. And I am awake when everyone else is asleep.

I cannot write. Obviously. My blog is currently as gray as my roots. My poor blog. My poor roots.

I cannot look for work. At least not in the United States. I try. I start out very levelheadedly looking for projects and opportunities in Northern California. Then I start making lists of solid contacts I should reach out to – regarding work. Then, I’m moving to Chicago. Or Australia. Suddenly, I’m eat, prey (hee hee), loving my way out of any productive search for employment. And I’m still not writing. Or doing stand-up comedy either. What, exactly, am I doing?

I eat fish sticks. I wish I was kidding about the fish sticks. I eat them all the time. I love them. When I’m not eating them, I’m eating Joe’s O’s (not the cereal, the pasta). Both taste good with wine (in case you were curious).

Apparently, this is what I’ve recently been browsing for on the web…

I think Bad Santa is the only thing I like about Christmas.

I lied, I like Elf too. And I just discovered this. I also like this about Christmas…

I am incapable of planning ahead. I don’t know how, when or why this happened. But, I recently noticed I get agitated when I’m asked to make plans…in advance. I can make dinner plans at lunch. And sometimes I can think about Sunday morning on Saturday evening. But that’s about it. That’s as far as it goes.  It doesn’t make any sense really. Because I’m a planner. And, I have never really allowed myself to have free time. My calendar has always been jam-packed. Most people still treat me like I’m very busy all the time. The truth is, I actually refuse to put things on my calendar. I simply refuse to plan. I hardly ever have plans. Ever. If I do have plans, I probably made them 30 minutes before I arrived at my destination.

I believe Chuck Bass is a real person. I also believe we were meant to be together.

I want to make love to Shishito peppers. Probably not the best idea I’ve ever had. But Jesus. I love Shishito peppers.

I’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time watching a show on Netflix about people with strange addictions. I believe addiction is a serious disease. And I am, by no means, making light of their issues – but – I am grateful I don’t eat glass, couch cushions, toilet paper or household cleaning products. I am also happy I am not addicted to tanning. It was difficult to watch the episode about the teenage girl who went tanning for an hour a day, every day. It’s illegal to tan for more than 20 minutes each day, so she had to bounce around from salon to salon to get her fix. One time, she burned so badly, her skin broke in the tanning bed. She bled. Yeah. Umm. Gross. Lastly, I am thankful I do not sleep with my blowdryer. Or a synthetic spouse.

I listen to Ke$ha. A lot. I beat the air drum while we belt out “Die Young.” I’m not sure this is an all together healthy habit.

I tried to make one of my best friend’s husbands sing this duet with me the other night. I was Gaga, of course. I thought I sounded just like her. I’m so…special…

I felt upset when I noticed this was one of my newest Twitter followers…

And then I saw the last photo I took on my phone, and felt even more upset, like maybe I needed to start planning ahead again…

I bought myself a popcorn tin at Trader Joe’s. I like to eat a piece of caramel popcorn with a piece of white cheddar popcorn, every time I take a bite. I practically cleared out these two sections of popcorn in one sitting. The tin actually had to be taken away from me. It’s the only reason I didn’t finish what I started. I gained four pounds that night. I was so sick the next day I lost all four of those pounds, plus two more.

I might not sleep with synthetic spouses, but I sleep with pitas…

Photo Courtesy of Kearsten Shepherd's Sin City Snapshots

Please note, I typically only sleep with sandwiches when I’m out of town. This is not an everyday occurrence. It’s honestly not.

In any event, I thought you might be amused by this GLIMPSE at the last few weeks…err…months.

I suppose I won’t be shocked if I get “invited” to the Holiday Inn Express for a “continental breakfast” before 2013.

Happy New Year y’all.

 

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Paul Lanning December 4, 2012 at 11:29 am

That Michelle Branch country album? It’s a duo called The Wreckers…the song “Leave The Pieces” is terrific. I have it…happy to burn the album to a CD for you if you want. 🙂

(Purposely avoiding comment on the pita, popcorn, cats, Gaga, etc.)

PL

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Natalie December 5, 2012 at 12:30 am

So funny. I love the duo. And that song. The names of both just escaped me at the moment I was trying to tell someone else about them. I kept thinking of the Pistol Annie’s and Hell on Heels (also great).

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Beth Marshall December 4, 2012 at 11:38 am

Oh Natalie….I understand in more ways than you can imagine. I go a day and sometimes more without showering. I get cranky that there are no more clean pajama bottoms. I look at my night stand and I see snacks from last week, books unread, and tissues from crying over losing Molly. I work from bed on my laptop. I look out my window at the ocean and the Marin headlands and wonder when I will go out and enjoy the living? It happens. Chuck Bass is real. I am bringing headbands back after last weeks episode. With the side braid. What will we do after GG? Will we go into a depressive state? This is the state of life right now. It is ok. You are mourning still. There is a light at the end of all of this. We will always have the Empire Hotel in NY to go and visit. AND HBB Season 2.

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Danielle December 4, 2012 at 11:47 am

Awww….. Sweet pea, this will pass! I have never slept with a pita before BUT I have been known to wake up with a piece of pizza adhered to the side off face- I mean, that was like 20 years ago…. So that makes it acceptable, right?
🙂
D

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Natalie December 5, 2012 at 12:37 am

Oh Beth and Danielle – I put this out there because there’s some truth to it – but I put it out there on a day where I could finally laugh about it. And let’s just say, that’s a good sign. It’s the days I can’t laugh (or write) about it that concern and frustrate me the most. None of this behavior is really that outlandish for me. I’ve always sort of led my own parade. I guess it’s just a little different when you’re a grown up (or really struggling to be one). I feel lucky to have both of you ladies in my life. I appreciate that you read the insanity that is “Natalie Daily” and that you care so much. It’s beyond flattering. Just know that I feel exactly the same way about both of you. While I may seem/be totally withdrawn, I’m watching. I look at the pictures and posts of the things going on around me. I think about everyone in my life, more than they will ever know. XOXO (hee hee).

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Libby December 4, 2012 at 12:18 pm

This made me laugh friend, really hard. And I agree with you Chuck Bass is real and he’s after me not you :)….actually I’ll settle for Pacey Witter (also real) and you can have Chuck. I found this amazing thing called Streampix in Comcast DVR and it has all 6 seasons of Dawson’s Creek so there you go….I get it.

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Natalie December 5, 2012 at 12:26 am

OMG Lib. Let’s set aside an entire Saturday and Sunday and watch every single episode of Dawson’s Creek known to man. I effing love Pacey Witter. I want to give him to you. But I’m not sure I can. I love him too. Just in a different way than I love Charles Bass.

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Lindsay December 4, 2012 at 1:45 pm

I too beat the air drum to “Die Young,” Which got a little awkward while on the elliptical at the gym the other night. I’m not afraid to admit that the song was on repeat. Or of the fact that every time I’ve been in an establishment with a jukebox in the last month I’ve played it. (The patrons at Old Tavern were by far the most upset by this.)

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Natalie December 5, 2012 at 12:25 am

You know Lindsay, the first thing I thought when I read your comment was…I’m still not sure why we haven’t made a rap video, her and I. I love your hot, sequin-short wearing, drum-beating a$$. What can I say?

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Corinne December 4, 2012 at 4:51 pm

So does this mean you are mad at me for asking about your availability to meet next week?

😀

Courage, sister. I have been there. Enjoy these moments, because before you know it you may be holding the hand that holds you down.

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Natalie December 5, 2012 at 12:23 am

I’m not going to be angry at you for asking me to make plans for next week…if you’re not going to be angry at me when I don’t commit…until next week. 😉

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Kearsten December 4, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Where’s my photo credit?

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Natalie December 5, 2012 at 12:22 am

Guess who now has her very own photo credit? I can’t believe I didn’t do that for you right out that gate. My sincere apologies.

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