I’m about to completely contradict myself.
And I feel sick just thinking about what you’re about to read.
I might vomit.
I really might.
In any event…
It’s no secret I never want children.
Because I never want children.
I literally feel nauseous typing the words “want” and “children” in the same sentence. Like the sentence could actually impregnate me.
AND THIS IS A BIG BUT…
Today, for a half of a half of a half of a second, I considered having a child.
I considered having a child for two reasons.
The first reason stays between me and Jay-Z.
And the second reason…
Because I hate grown ups.
Granted, the child would grow up to be the very thing I currently loathe. But it would take some time. Until that point in time, I would simply enjoy the not-yet-jaded little guy (it would have to be a boy, or I would give it straight back to the stork).
The bottom line…
Grown ups really muck things up (I am not excluding myself from this statement). I don’t have children, but it seems to me like they aren’t really capable of making the same kinds of messes that we “grown ups” make.
Kids say what they want, when they want, to whomever they want. They can’t help themselves. They open their little unfiltered mouths and speak their little honest minds. They don’t do passive aggressive. Or hold grudges. Right? Do they even know how? Do they talk about their friends behind their backs? Probably not…yet. When they get mad, they just hit each other with @#$% in the sandbox. They handle business. Hard and fast. They express themselves without the walls, or the boundaries, or the baggage. Then they grow up. And they suck. They shut down. They break hearts. They have daddy issues. Mommy issues too. They aren’t honest with other people. Or themselves. They text when they should call. Or they don’t call at all. They let things get unnecessarily awkward. They ruin relationships by poorly communicating with the people they love. Or even worse, they don’t communicate at all. That’s what grown ups do. Grown ups are so @#$%ing stupid.
So, I considered having a child.
I quickly snapped back to my child-free senses.
Instead of torturing my uterus and the universe (let’s be honest, we can barely deal with me, no one wants to deal with my offspring) – I will just hang out with children that I don’t have to change or support and/or continue to act like a child myself (insert your catty comments here).
Ovary jokes aside…
I’m disappointed in me, and grown ups. The last few weeks have been riddled with unfortunate, and preventable situations…all related to poor communication…with people I love. I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I know I can be a real piece of work. But I’ve got feelings too y’all. And maybe this time, you’ve hurt mine. I’m not taking this laying down, whether you think that’s what I deserve, or not. I’m not saying that’s what you deserve. I’m just saying.
P.S. I’m SUCH a good babysitter…