Reality Check

June 12, 2012

I realize that “broadcasting” my business leaves my life open to the interpretation of others.

I understand that being human and candid about my bull@#$% means it could come back to bite me in the a$$.

I am totally aware of the fact that people may unfriend, dislike and/or criticize me – because of what they read/I write.

I get it. I made my bed. I should happily sleep in it.

BUT…it still sort of jars you when someone says something hurtful about you or passes judgment about your life. Especially when you have not disrupted theirs. Especially when they do not know you. Especially when they do it anonymously. Especially when you know they would probably NEVER speak those words to your face. Especially when you have not, in any way, projected your strengths or weaknesses upon them.

So…this is what poked the bear…

My wedding was featured on a reality television show. A microphone was taped to my bra and sound equipment was strapped to my thigh…on my wedding day. And if you Google the right words, links to the network and video clips will quickly pop up in search engines. Last night, I stumbled on a link to said clips while I was looking for a description of my wedding dress online (that’s a story for another day). As uncomfortable as those videos make me (watching them is like hearing myself attempt to hit a Mariah Carey-esque note), I don’t feel like I have the right to be uncomfortable. I made a conscious decision to be on TV. Nobody forced me to do it. I knew there would be reruns and reminders. I knew there would be links online. I knew we could/would be judged. I knew we might even regret our decision. I did it anyway.

And…it was one of the best decisions we made. We bonded with the producers and crew in a way that we never anticipated. By the end of the week, they felt like family. I cried when we had to tell them goodbye. And my eyes water every time they call to tell us they’re coming back to visit. They were one of our favorite parts of the occasion. And regardless of how I feel about watching myself on the show, regardless of what other people say or think…I would not (and obviously could not) take it back.

I don’t know why, but I clicked on the link. Normally I won’t/don’t.

I scrolled down to look at a few of the videos on the page.

That’s where I found Bestbride’s comment.

Here’s what Bestbride had to say:

“everything about the wedding was awful! from the bride’s bangs to the location! Really? the Library Galleria?? Why not just have the local homeless and jail birds be the valet and servers? I guess when you are marying for money rather than love it doesn’t matter. good luck on reaching your 3rd maybe 4th anniversary. Lol!”

I know I seem bitter, because I’m taking the time to blog about Bestbride’s words. But I’m not. I’m honestly not. I don’t care what Bestbride thinks about my wedding or my marriage. Because I know the truth. I know what kind of day it was. I know the best and worst parts. I know if I married for money or not. I know how I feel about the benchmarks we may or may not reach. I know who we really are and/or aren’t. I know who paid the price for our big day. I know how much it really cost.

I also know how to spell the word “marrying” (sorry, I had to take one low blow).

Above all else, Bestbride reminded me that I must accept responsibility for leaving myself wide open for this kind of personal attack. And, I have to take the bad with the good. Whether she (or anyone else) has positive or negative things to say about me, I don’t really have the right to feel bitter about her remarks. I put myself out there. She took a swing. So be it. It’s not the first time it has happened. It’s certainly not going to be the last.

Bestbride also reminded me how foolish we sound, as women, when we needlessly attack OUR OWN KIND. What is wrong with us? If we supported each other the way the good ole’ boys do, we’d rule the world. We really would.

And, Bestbride inspired me to try harder. I’m going to try harder not to insult others, whether I know them or not. Because I don’t walk in their shoes. And they don’t walk in mine. Please keep in mind that I’m human, and I have a uterus. I’m sure something catty will eventually make its way out of my mouth. But I’m going to try harder. And if I fail, I’m going to try to make sure that whatever ugly remarks I choose to make are remarks I’m willing to make in front of the person I’m making them about. I should try harder to be that kind of person. We probably all should.

Now I need you to disregard what I just said, so I can say something catty…

Did the !@#$% really have to attack my bangs? Did she really have to go after my pride and joy? What did my blunt bangs ever do to her? I mean, why did she feel so compelled to bash a sense of style that was simply not her own? We’ve never even met. At least I don’t think we’ve met. Seemed like she knew an awful lot about Sacramento. I wonder what her hair looks like. I’d actually really like to know. I bet it’s blonde, but really supposed to be dark brown or black. I bet she destroyed her perfectly gorgeous, thick, dark locks with a bottle of bleach. And I bet she thinks it looks good. She probably didn’t even dye her brows to match. I hate when girls do that. I bet her forehead isn’t perfectly poised for blunt bangs either. So even if she didn’t hate them, she could never have her own. That sucks. For her. They’re not for everybody. Not just anybody can have them. They’re special.

Note: I might be bitter about the attack on my bangs. I might be sensitive about that.

I didn’t feel the need to respond directly to Bestbride, but I did need to process my thoughts. Thank you for “listening” (not like you really had a choice). I’m not looking for validation or reassurance either. Like I said, I know what kind of wedding day I had. I know how I feel about it. I also know what kind of bangs I have. The logo and tagline for my blog are devoted to them. Clearly, I don’t need reassurance on that front. I just needed to process my thoughts. And felt like doing it publicly, so I could leave myself open to more personal attacks. LOL.

In closing, my bangs and I would like to thank Bestbride not only for this “reality check” but also for this little trip down memory lane.

Natalie Daily wearing crystal Erin Cold headband with blunt bangs on Platinum Weddings

Photo Courtesy of True Love Photo

 

 

 

{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Jennifer Myers June 12, 2012 at 11:00 am

I love this photo! Beautiful!

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Veronica June 12, 2012 at 11:05 am

Haters gonna hate! Your wedding was awesome, and the Galleria is glorious! It is surreal to hear yourself on TV, and you feel so exposed at the same time. A friend that is a newspaper reporter told me this about the people that leave negative comments on his stories, ” They don’t matter, because they didn’t live the experience!”

Best to you!

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Natalie June 15, 2012 at 6:57 am

LOL. I don’t know why but I feel especially gangsta when people say “haters gonna hate.” It makes me want to do a little gangsta dance. Thank you V. XOXO.

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Andrea Silva June 12, 2012 at 11:11 am

Aww that is terrible to hear. Seriously what was her problem? Although I am not perfect at it, I do always try to remember the Golden Rule (which sadly when I say this most people under the age of 25 look at me blankly). I love your bangs, and not just because I have a similar hairstyle at the moment 😉 PS your wedding was absolutely beautiful and uniquely you and that is ALL that matters!

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Casey June 12, 2012 at 11:15 am

I have a saying: “people love to hate things”
Forget them, they don’t exist in your world.

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Natalie June 15, 2012 at 6:55 am

I love that Casey. Trying to forget…

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Mallory June 12, 2012 at 11:31 am

I really appreciated this post for so many reasons. I love that you were confident enough to speak up for yourself in such a classy way. I think your photos (and bangs) are gorgeous! Everything you said was very true, and I think people are so quick to judge through a computer screen while it’s never something they would do in real life. Oh well! Either way nicely done 🙂

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Natalie June 15, 2012 at 6:54 am

Thank you Mallory. Thank you so much. I appreciate your comment for so many reasons.

And on a totally unrelated side note, I just realized I love the name Mallory. 😉

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Libby June 12, 2012 at 11:57 am

Love you Nat and loved your wedding day. What does that chick know…it was so fun! Can I please see you sometime soon?!?! xoxo, Libby

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Dee June 12, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Please let me add that had “Bestbride” known your true family history she would know that NOTHING ever came Free or without Pain ,Loss and hard work!!! A Shallow empty person would make such comments as “Bestbride” did. Keep your beautiful Bangs and head up. You amaze me more everyday of our lives. I Love You, Stars N Moons…xoxo

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Dana June 12, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Do you not like my hair? I bleach it blonde…

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Natalie June 15, 2012 at 6:52 am

Yes Dana. I’ve been meaning to tell you.

Weirdo. No. I know you know what kind of hair I’m talking about…and it’s not your kind of hair. It’s “Bestbride’s” kind of hair, whomever “Bestbride” is…LOL.

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danielle June 12, 2012 at 12:30 pm

so refreshing!!!!! Have been missing you……lots going on here in miami…..but I am still reading! 🙂 keeping it real, its what I love most about your blogs!
The photo is fabulous!!!!
d

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Natalie June 15, 2012 at 6:51 am

Aaaaaaah. I’ve been wondering where my cupcake diva had gone…

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Peggy Seitzinger June 12, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I went to the site. I read her post. I immediately bristled with anger. For what it’s worth, I am one angry cousin right now and I am fully prepared to take “Bestbride” down a notch. I even typed a well worded reply to her idiotic, unwarranted attack. Sadly, I would have had to login for her to see my reply, and truthfully, she isn’t worth my time.

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Amber June 12, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I haven’t seen the episode. I haven’t heard of you, or your blog, before now. I came upon it from my friend Paul Lanning. But, as one black-haired, blunt-banged sister to another, screw Bestbride. She’s obviously bitter and clueless. I think a Library for a wedding is simply fabulous. The tales of the centuries play host to your tale for the future.

Best of luck to you and your bangs. 🙂

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Natalie June 15, 2012 at 6:50 am

Thank you for reading Amber. Obviously Paul knew what he was doing when he united two of his blunt-banged pals. While I have no desire to take this beyond the blog, Bestbride (who I presume is bang-less) is obviously no match for us.

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Andrea June 12, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Oh Nat, don’t we all know that some people just love to be hateful? Even knowing this, I do realize that it is hurtful when someone targets you. You are an amazing, witty and charming person and always have been! I do believe that this is a classic tale of jealousy and unfortunately it is far too common with women. Hang in there girl and always remember that your bangs ROCK!

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Joshua June 13, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Bangs ROCK!! Period.. fdbk is always a gift.. too bad you can’t return it.. lol..

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Marianne June 15, 2012 at 7:01 am

I. LOVE YOU! You crack me up. Bestbride…well, that name pretty much sums it up. Shes just jealous she cant rock your bangs like you do! Your a beautiful person inside and out and don’t ever let anyone make you question yourself.

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