Unapologetic

February 14, 2013

Lori,

This is for you.

This is for every time you picked up my pieces. And there were so many pieces.

There are STILL so many pieces.

There is only one way out. It’s THROUGH.

There is actually BEAUTY in the BREAKDOWN.

It won’t be pretty. You will hate you. But you will have to hate you – to love you again. So hate you honey. @#%ing hate you. And if you want, @#$%ing hate everyone, and everything, else. The things, and the people, that matter most…will be there in the end. Your daughters will be there in the end. They will appreciate your vulnerability AND your strength. Show them it’s ok to breakdown AND rebuild. Because we won’t let you forget to rebuild. Just like you didn’t let me forget to rebuild. We won’t let your stubborn, mouthy, stank a$$ self forget to REBUILD.

You know more about me than anybody should (take it to the grave bitch). And you choose to love me anyway. So just let go. Admit this is all happening. There is nothing you can do about it. Relax. Get through it. Love you anyway. Come out on the other end. That is actually the only choice you have. That is the only choice I’m giving you. Because that is the only choice you gave me. I’m returning the favor. We will love you anyway.

I don’t know why you were taught what you were. Or why you’re being taught what you are. But you have no control over it. You didn’t then. And you don’t now. Just accept the teachers that have been given to you, good AND bad. They’re all teaching you SOMETHING. We’re always being taught SOMETHING. Whether we want to be taught, or not. The more you try to resist this lesson, the longer you’re going to be in pain. Learn it, whatever it is…and get the @#$% out. You can. And you will…if you’re willing to go THROUGH.

We’re masochists, you and I (we’re a lot of things, you and I) – but we’re not stupid, or insane (most days). Feel the pain. You like it. So do I. Just admit you like it. So do I. And get on with your life. Because you deserve it. So do I.

I know it’s strange to be taking advice…from me. I know, after last year, you probably feel like you shouldn’t be taking advice…from me. But, I’m getting – through. I’m trying so hard. And if I can. So can you.

I just read a book that compared me to a hopeless, soulless, bloodsucking vampire. If it makes you feel ANY better, there may be no hope for me, but I feel like there’s more than hope for you.

Lastly, I haven’t had much to write lately. Not sure why. So much has changed, so fast. My moods have been all over the place. Dark, and light. Maybe that’s it. But when I saw Rihanna perform this song, I knew she had to be a part of my next post. I don’t think it’s a coincidence, at all, that you and I both love her like we do. And I appreciate, more than you will ever know, that you don’t mind that I love – the way I do.

I hope you’re getting some sleep tonight lady.

If not…a lullaby of sorts. I’ll leave it at that.

Stay (Rihanna, feat. Mikky Ekko)

All along it was a fever
A cold sweat high-headed believer
I threw my hands in the air and said, “Show me something,”
He said, “If you dare come a little closer.”

Round and around and around and around we go
Oh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know

Not really sure how to feel about it.
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can’t live without you.
it takes me all the way.
I want you to stay

It’s not much of a life you’re living
It’s not just something you take – it’s given

Round and around and around and around we go
Oh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know

Not really sure how to feel about it.
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can’t live without you.
it takes me all the way.
I want you to stay.

Oh the reason I hold on
Oh cause I need this hole gone
Funny you’re the broken one but I’m the only one who needed saving
Cause when you never see the light it’s hard to know which one of us is caving

Not really sure how to feel about it.
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can’t live without you.
it takes me all the way.
I want you to stay, stay.
I want you to stay, oh.

Te Amo,

Me

Disclaimer: In case you were concerned, Lori tweets A LOT about her emotions. This blog should not be blindsiding. 

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Peggy Seitzinger February 14, 2013 at 9:41 am

I believe this is one of the truest, gut check things you’ve ever written. I don’t know Lori, but she gets my vote of encouragement also. Stay strong ladies!

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